Why Do We Teach Obedience?

For a few months now, I have been pondering a Bible verse that I think has been a common quote by adults to kids. (At least, in the Christian setting.) And, I know that this verse is sometimes used as a memory verse for young kids. I will be upfront and say that this is one of the memory verses we say every night with Pumpkin after our Bible reading. The verse is Colossians 3:20. This is what I remember hearing from this verse in my previous years: "Children obey your parents." I think that is all I ever heard whenever the verse was quoted.

Brief Side Note: Something I have learned over the years, and try very hard to practice, and be conscious of, is that context is very important in learning the Scriptures. Context is very important in understanding the Scriptures. And, I think context is very important when quoting Scriptures for the purpose of making a point. Let me also say this: while context is very important, I will be the first to admit that it doesn't always make it easier to understand, or eliminate any and all questions one might be struggling with.

The first time I looked up Colossians 3:20 to start saying it with Pumpkin, I learned something new. (And, if you are prone to judging people on their lack of Bible knowledge, here is a good opportunity for you to practice not judging. Just a thought.) The entire verse says this: "Children obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." (Col. 3:20, NIV)

Hmm. How had I never heard, or maybe I had heard it but it didn't stick, the "...for this pleases the Lord" part? That puts a whole new spin on things.

I think for myself, I just assumed that the "Children obey your parents" teaching was simply just because you were the kid, they were the parents. End of story. Do what your parents say just because it is what the Bible says. Where's the motivation in that? Maybe for some folks, that is enough motivation. Maybe just because those four words are written in Scripture casts out any need to question the "why," or the desire to try and reason out how it does, or does not, apply in a situation. But I think we are missing out on something huge if we just leave it at that.

For what purpose are we, as kids, supposed to obey our parents? Because it "pleases the Lord." Not simply because we are the kids and they are the parents. Not just because they are the authority figure that God placed over us as we grow up. It is to honor Him - Jesus Christ; God. As I said, it puts a whole new spin on things.

When I think about how to go about instilling in my child the responsibility to obey, it seems to be a daunting task. The perception that she seems to have inherited
someone's strong-willed trait makes the task seem even more daunting. Upon reading this entire verse, however, and learning (finally!) that obeying your parents isn't about your parents, or just because the Bible says so, makes me dread the training process a little less. Instead of feeling like I have to teach her to obey just so that she listens and responds appropriately, I can now teach her to obey because she will be glorifying God through that action. I realize it may not make the training go any smoother, but I feel like I have a much better reason to keep trying, and teaching, and training even when it seems all is in vain.

There is more to this admonition, though. Again, context is very important! Just a few weeks ago, I read verse 21; the verse following the admonition to obey. It says, "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged." (Col. 3:21, NIV)

I've read this verse before, I know. But once again, I just now realized what it fully says. "...or they will become discouraged." Discouraged in what? Obviously it's the kids that will become discouraged, but discouraged in having to obey? Discouraged in having to listen to their parents and wish they had parents that were less strict about it? No, I'm pretty sure that's not what Paul (the writer of Colossians) is admonishing here. I believe Paul is trying to point out that the kids will become discouraged in trying to bring honor to God; in trying to please God by obeying their parents.

See, none of these two verses are about the parents. Sorry, parents and adults, this isn't about you. It's not about me as a parent. These two verses, and the entire chapter, are all about God; about glorifying Him! It's not about us, the human authority figures that God has given us the privilege of being in a child's life. It is about bringing glory to God!

For myself, this new understanding of verse 21 is a bit of a game changer for me. I, as the parent, could be the difference between my child choosing a personal relationship with Jesus, and thus honoring Him with their life, or not. Whoa. That's a whole 'nother level of responsibility in teaching, training, and expecting my kid to respond to me with obedience. No, it doesn't make the task any simpler or easier, but it does bring up the importance of our responsibility as parents to remember, and strive, to follow this teaching.

It is a bit sobering to me. But, at the same time, it makes me want to try all the harder to show Pumpkin, with my own life, about having a personal, heart-felt relationship with Jesus Christ. Because, you see, I can teach Pumpkin all about obeying because that's what the Bible says, and that if she chooses to obey us, she will please God. But, if it's just about going through the motions, and just using that head knowledge, where's the excitement in that? I think it's easy to lose the desire, and motivation, to keep choosing to obey if it's just going through the motions just because. If I can show her that a relationship with Christ can be both head knowledge and a personal, heart-felt relationship, it will be easier for her to find excitement, the joy and peace, in choosing to obey, even when it is not what she wants, or is hard to do.

I think the BIG things that I have taken away from my new-found understanding of these two verses are this:

1. It's not about me. It's not about the parent. It's not about the child obeying me as their parent. It is ALL about the child obeying me to bring glory to God.
2. Even though understanding these verses doesn't switch a magic button to take away the human nature of losing my cool, becoming frustrated, exasperated, and running out of patience, fully understanding these verses will keep me striving to overcome my human nature response.
3. All the hard work, and going round and round with my kid, is all about laying the foundation for sharing with them that their actions (obeying their parents) are not about me, or their dad, but it is about glorifying God.
4. Being able to connect the head-knowledge with a heart-felt, personal relationship with God is going to make all the difference in the world, I believe.
5. None of this is about me. And neither me, or my child, are able to succeed at this "obey your parents," and "don't embitter your kid," thing without God. And that is how He is glorified.