A Slap in God's Face

I don't know about anyone else, but liking myself is an area that I have struggled with for most of my life. I remember being a little kid, probably somewhere between 6-8 years old, and wishing my body shape was more like my sister's. And that wish has continued to this day, although which sister I am envying changes over the years. And what part of me that I wish was different changes, too.

It's not like I was a fat kid; I don't even think that I could claim to have been overweight. I just was not as skinny as my sister, and somehow I had gotten the idea that skinny was better. I don't even know what that specific insecurity stemmed from; I just knew that I was thicker, my belly was always rounder, my butt stuck out further, and I ate more food than she did. As a teenager, it became even more obvious that we had different body types- she inherited one side of the family's body genes, and I got a different gene. If you were to see pictures (I don't have any available), you could see that I did go through a chubbier stage which kind of evened out towards the late teens. But, in my opinion, I was still always rounder than she, and at that point I felt I was chubbier, rounder, fatter, than any of my sisters.

Over the years, there have been conversations between my sisters about exchanging the "extra blessed" areas with someone that wishes for more padding in that area. It's never really happened, though, in case you're wondering. But, it's common for us to complain about a specific part of our body, especially when it comes to trying on new clothes, buying clothes, having to find a specific piece of clothing, etc. And everyone has something to complain about in regards to how they are shaped, and how they look.

Most recently, and I actually instigated this so I'm to blame, there was a discussion over what we were all wearing to our brother Luke's wedding. I
was still carrying around post-pregnancy weight, still weighed more than I ever had previous to being pregnant, and was in the stage where my maternity and post-pregnancy clothes didn't fit well, and my pre-pregnancy clothes- well, very few fit and what did fit, did not fit well. I was not feeling good about my looks, or my wardrobe options, so I mass-texted my sisters and asked what they were all wearing to the wedding. All kinds of responses came, and almost every single one had a negative comment about their body: "I've been eating chocolate and it all went to my hips, so this is the only thing that fits!" or "I found this skirt that actually fits my saddle-bags!" or something along those lines. Everyone had an outfit to wear, but nobody was happy with their body shape.

In reality, when we all got to the wedding, and even more-so after I saw the wedding photos, I realized that we all look normal. We aren't the mis-shapen, strange and un-attractive looking, human oddities that we make ourselves out to be. And that started me to thinking.

My siblings and I about four months before the wedding. (Photo courtesy of Sally)

In my thinking, one thing that stuck out to me was something my Grandma said to me at least 10 years ago. I was visiting her one afternoon, sitting in her living room chatting, and apparently the topic shifted to myself. I must have said something regarding how I wished something about my body shape was different; I don't remember what. And she responded, in her non-judgmental voice, "Don't you think that's kind of a slap in God's face?" Upon further discussion, she shared that God created me exactly the shape I am, and that my dislike, or wishing for something different, was basically saying God didn't do it right. And that's kind of like a slap in the face, especially for God, who doesn't make mistakes.

Another aspect I began thinking about, too, was my Little Pumpkin. (A lot of my deep thinking these days comes about because of her.) How do I want Pumpkin to view herself as she grows up? Do I want her to be happy and content with her body, whatever shape it may grow into? Do I want her to always down-play her attractiveness? Or to only see the negative aspects that she perceives? Do I want her to constantly compare herself to other people and always think that she isn't good enough, or isn't the right shape, or is too fat?

I have to admit that I have read articles, and seen videos, covering this exact topic in the past. But, prior to this last year, it never struck me in the right way to actually realize that maybe I need to make a change. Since having Little Pumpkin, I've realized that I would prefer that she not grow up having the same self-image struggles that I have. And I have come to realize that my job in helping her to avoid that is three-fold.

First of all, if I don't want Pumpkin always downing herself, comparing herself to other people and thinking she is inferior, I have to stop verbalizing those things about myself. Already, she imitates me in things and, as she gets older and starts being verbal, it is only going to increase- both the good and the bad. If she hears me complaining that I'm fat, or I wish I had curlier hair, or my legs are too big and flabby, then guess what? She's going to start imitating those remarks and say them, too. And even if she doesn't believe it about herself right away, over time, she will start to believe it if she keeps saying it, and she keeps hearing me say it about myself. If she hears me comment on somebody else's looks and make an envious remark like, "Why can't I look like that?" Then she, too, will start using other people as the gauge for what she should look like. And, in my experience, you will never measure up to the other people if you don't like yourself.

Secondly, if I want Pumpkin to be confident, secure, and proud of who she is and how God created her, I need to verbalize to her that she is perfect just the way she is. I need to compliment her on even the smallest thing. I need to make sure I try my hardest to never say thoughtless, demeaning words that can crush her self-image, and make her feel like her body, her looks, etc. is inferior. And I think the one of the most important things I need to strive for is to never, EVER compare her to someone else!

Last of all, for myself, and for Little Pumpkin, I need to fully realize that yes, I have been perfectly created by a perfect God that doesn't make mistakes. And no, I'm not shaped like my sisters, or people I see, and I don't have the same looks as other people, but that doesn't mean I'm anything less than perfect. I'm just the unique mixture of shape, height, looks, coloring that God created me to be. And I need to stop hitting God with the "why didn't you make me better" slap in the face.

I think a huge part of this process is instilling in Pumpkin, and myself, the Bible verses and teachings regarding her being one of God's special creations. And that He created her just the way she is because it is perfect for her. And God created little Susie Jo down the road, or cousin Agabus, just the way they are because it is perfect for them; the individual ways God created other people is not the perfect way for you, me, or Little Pumpkin. And that is probably something that we all would do well to remember. The first Bible verse off the top of my head is, " I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." (Psalm 139:14, emphasis added.) I also looked up Jeremiah 1:5, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." We may not all be formed and created to be a prophet to the nations, but God uniquely formed and created each of us for the specific purpose He has for us. And to say that our shape, size, looks, hair type is not good enough might be met with a similar response from God as when Jeremiah basically says he's not good enough (Jeremiah 1:6-7).

As a side note, however, even in realizing that God perfectly created everyone differently with different body types, shapes, looks, etc., I do not think that it should be used as an excuse to not take care of yourself, or not strive to be healthy. I DO think it is important, though, to remember that your natural body shape is different, and even if you are in perfect shape and health, most likely you are not going to look just like the neighbor next door, or the person walking down the street. For myself- I'll never have a little butt, or a flat, level stomach that never sticks out; that's just part of my shape. But, I can't use that as an excuse to just let myself go, and never strive to be healthy. I think that, too, can be a slap in God's face. But that's a separate blog post for another time.

The ultimate lesson I am learning is this:

To start believing that I am perfect just the way God created me.

To stop verbalizing all the ways I don't like myself, so that Pumpkin doesn't imitate me and end up believing she is inferior.

To be very mindful that I never speak words of discontent, dislike, comparison, etc. to Little Pumpkin regarding her looks.

To teach her from the beginning that she has been perfectly created by God just the way she is, and for a specific purpose in God's plan.

How are you going to change your thought process, and actions, so that you believe that you are perfect just the way God created you? And will you actually do it so that you can pass it on to your kids?