Don't Pee on My Mustard Seed!

I was slightly miffed when that thought crossed my mind a few months ago. I wanted to defend myself, and say "Don't pee on my mustard seed!" Or, maybe you're more familiar with the expression, "Don't rain on my parade!" Both sayings are pretty close to being the same. I think the "Don't rain on my parade," relates to someone putting a damper on your proud moment. The "Don't pee on my mustard seed," well, I think that was first coined by an old family friend, Darrel, and if I understand correctly, the saying has a Biblical foundation. Amusing, right?

Anyone familiar with the time Jesus told His disciples about having faith the size of a mustard seed? (Read Matthew 17:14-22.) If I am remembering correctly, Darrel, the old family friend, was explaining how something should work out (I have no idea what), and someone pointed out flaws, or reasons why it might not work out, or some other negative response. And, Darrel came back with, "Don't pee on my mustard seed!"

After that one instance a few months ago when I wanted to tell someone, "Don't pee on my mustard seed," I have thought about how often, and the many different ways, people unintentionally (I think) bring others down. That whether we're sharing good, or bad, things with each other, we tend to feel the need to "one-up," or "one-down," each other. How many times have you shared an accomplishment with someone, and instead of being happy for you and joining you in reveling in the glory for a minute, the person responded with,
"Oh, that's great! But, I did...." and goes on to tell of their great accomplishment. Or, you're sharing about your very bad, no good day with a friend, and instead of genuinely listening, they butt in and tell you how their day was much worse than yours. If you think about it, both of these scenarios result in trying to bring you down; to rain on your parade, whether it was a good, positive parade, or a down-and-out, poor me parade. It seems that our human tendency is to always make sure that we, ourselves, are the one with the best, or worst, thing going on. It is our selfish tendency to turn the focus on us, and away from others.

A few other scenarios I have thought about, I don't think most people realize that they are "bring-you-down-and-instead-focus-on-me" instances. This first example is one of Jason's least favorite experiences since having a child. (And it gets on my nerves, too.) We arrive somewhere with our one child, and someone says, "You think one is hard, just wait until you have [insert number of kids they have]!!" Or, you are sharing a specific, current struggle you are experiencing with your child(ren), and someone says, "Oh! You think that is bad! Just wait until...." and they regale you with child rearing woes that they are sure you will face in the future.

Not all "parade-raining" scenarios revolve around people with kids. How about someone commenting on, "Oh, the DINK life! Just wait until you have kids!" (By the way, "DINK" stands for "Dual Income No Kids.") Or, a comment to a single person: "Why are you in such a rush to get married?! Enjoy this time being free, and not having a husband or kids to deal with!" I think that this "parade-raining" is even an adult response to kids sometimes: "You think your life is hard now?! Just wait until...." and some woeful example of living an adult life is given. My recent personal "parade-raining" (or as I think of it, "peeing on my mustard seed") scenario was when I mentioned, in a conversation, that I vacuumed every day. The response was something along the lines of, "You can tell you've only got one kid!"

How is any of this related to "having the faith of a mustard seed," or the "don't pee on my mustard seed?" Well, for myself, when the response to my vacuuming everyday was basically saying that if I had more kids, I wouldn't be vacuuming, I was wondering, "Why do you have to down-play my accomplishment?" Yes, I only have one kid. But, the fact that I actually do vacuum my house every single day is my teeny, tiny, itsy-bitsy mustard seed of faith that maybe some day I will actually like my house, and where I live, enough to feel like it is my home. Granted, having a dog that sheds like crazy is some motivation. But, the fact that I actually care enough to want to keep the dog hair cleaned up is actually a big deal. So, just because you don't vacuum every single day doesn't mean it's a frivolous activity that others should not be doing, if that's what they choose.

What about those other examples of raining on somebody's parade, or peeing on their mustard seed? I'll harp on the, "Just wait until you have "x" amount of kids!" First of all, when someone says that, it's kind of degrading your own kids, you know? You're kind of saying they are more trouble than they are worth. And, more than likely, you chose to have that many kids, so why are you complaining about it, or making it sound like the worst experience in the world. On the flip side of that, why are you trying to minimize the worth of the work those parents of just one kid are doing? Most likely, you had only one child at some point, and thought it was hard work, too. Secondly, how do you know you aren't peeing on that parent's mustard seed of faith that either, A: they hope, and want, to have more kids, but now you're making it sound like a terrible experience; or B: they can't have more kids, even though they want too, and are just starting to be able to positively picture life with an only child. Either way, your perhaps unintentionally negative comment is probably not very encouraging; most likely it is annoying and discouraging. Not to mention selfish.

The same idea goes for all of those other examples I gave. The dual income couple may desperately want to have kids, but can't. Or, the single person may desperately wish to be married, and have a family, and for some reason it does not appear like it will ever happen for them. (I actually know a few people in this situation.) And that kid that thinks some part of their life is so hard- that is obviously a big deal to them at that time, even though it is nothing to worry about in your mind.

Every single time we hear someone sharing about a good, or not so good, thing in their life, we seem to want to "one-up" their story with one of our own, be it good, or bad. Or we see someone's stage of life that we assume is easier, or better, than ours, and we feel the need to try and bring them down to our self-imposed, miserable ideal about our own life. Why can't we just be content to let them tell about their recent life experience, good or bad, and share in their excitement or struggle? Why can't we just be happy and offer a smile, or an encouraging word if you just have to speak, to those people that look like they have it better, or easier, than you do?

I think it all comes down to selfishness. In every single one of those instances, the common theme is that the focus is on someone else, not on yourself. But in your selfishness, and with your unintentional comments, you just might be peeing on someone's teeny, tiny, itsy-bitsy mustard seed of faith. I'm not saying that people don't need a good dose of reality sometimes, or that people don't use boasting, or self-pity, for the purpose of seeking attention; those things do happen. But, the next time you hear someone sharing about their good, or bad experience, or you see someone's situation that you perceive to be better, or easier, than your own- before you make your comment, check the reason behind the words you are about to say. Are you about to pee on somebody's mustard seed just because you are selfishly turning the attention onto yourself? Or, are you about to pour some miracle grow on that mustard seed by genuinely sharing in their accomplishment or excitement; or listening to their struggle; or genuinely caring enough to call them to accountability; or sometimes by not saying anything at all. Just think about it.