Transitioning to Finding Normal

It seems as though we (Jason and I) are unable to stay in one station, season, time, or whatever it's called, of life very long. And, I feel like we are frequently transitioning from one "station" in life to another "station," or spot, or season, or whatever. Because of that, it seems that we never really have a "normal," although "normal" is very subjective and different for everyone. For the most part, I think transitions and changes are by choice; choices we make with our jobs, in how we live, and in what we choose to do. But is there ever a "normal" that stays? Are we too "transient," for lack of a better word, to ever have "normal?" Or, have we just not accepted the "normal" that is our life?

When Jason and I were first married, he was working full-time, and in the Army Reserves. I was working full-time, a Monday-Friday job, with an hour commute. Jason worked Friday-Sunday, and was gone for the Army a lot that first year; about 6-8 months, collectively. At the end of 2013, he took a night-shift position that was Monday-Thursday, and I tried working closer to home, but had to work at least every other weekend. Jason was still gone a lot for the Army, though not as much as the previous year. (My friends joked that Jason was just a figment of my imagination, as he was always gone, and some folks didn't meet him until after we'd been married for 2-ish years!)  I also decided to go back to school and get my Bachelor's degree through an online program. After about 6 months, I was fortunate to get a full-time, Monday-Friday job with set hours, and continued school full-time. Later that same year, Jason got a day-shift position that wasn't on weekends, and for the first time, we were able to go to church together. (As such, we got to go church shopping. But that's a completely different topic.)

In the fall of 2015, Jason decided to go back to school for his Master's degree through an online program. I changed jobs at the end of the year, right after I had graduated. Jason was still working his same position, and was studying hard for his Masters. Early in the spring of that next year,
2016, is when we found out that Little Pumpkin would be arriving in the fall. Jason worked even harder on his Masters, and finished right before she was born in November. And at the end of December, Jason accepted a new job that brought us to Kansas the beginning of 2017.

Do you see what I mean about us not being able to stay in one "spot" in life very long? When I look back over our married life, it seems like we have never had a "normal" married life. It seems that we are always transitioning from one "spot," or "station," to another. And yet, I find that we are once again in the middle of transition.

Jason changed jobs almost a month ago, taking a position with a different company that allows him to work primarily from home. With his new schedule, I started considering getting a part-time job to try and help with our finances. I randomly asked one business if they were hiring, they asked me to apply, and I just started working this week. As we have started to try and figure out what our new "normal" is going to be, I've been thinking a lot about why we never seem to settle into a "regular" normal.

Our old "normal" was actually quite unconventional. I think most people know that Jason was working nights for the past year, and then some. As such, he slept through the days, and usually got up in time to go to work. On his nights off, it was pretty much the same story. Since Little Pumpkin only got to see Jason on his evenings off, she and I had morphed into a pretty late type of schedule ourselves. Pumpkin would go to bed between 9 or 10pm, and I would try to be in bed by 2am. And, just in case you're wondering, we did not get up at the 6 or 7am that "normal" people and kids do. Our typical morning started at 9 or 10am. This schedule worked well, for the most part, as Pumpkin and Jason got to spend a few hours together on his nights off. At least, until his schedule changed early in the year and he wasn't getting home until after 7am.

When Jason's work scheduled changed and he wasn't getting up before 8pm, I asked him if he wanted to instead spend his time with her in the mornings. It would mean transitioning her to getting up earlier, and going to bed earlier. It would also mean he most likely wouldn't see her at all in the evenings. Jason wasn't sure he liked that idea, but I kind of started moving Pumpkin's bedtime up. Of course, she started to wake up earlier which meant I had to get up earlier. I had expected that, but wasn't sure how I was going to transition myself. You see, for the past year I have struggled with sleeping. The first 6-8 months of living here, even if I went to bed, I usually couldn't fall asleep before 4 or 5am. There were several nights when I would just be going to sleep when Jason was coming home in the morning. I guess I could blame it on learning how to sleep by myself, but I'm not sure if that theory can hold any water. I do partially blame it on being in a new house, new area, new everything, at night, all by myself. At some point last fall, I purposely started going to bed earlier, and trying to go to sleep earlier. My semi-routine was to be in bed by 1am, and usually asleep between 2-3am, and that was starting to work out for me.

Now that Jason has started his new job and is working semi-normal daytime hours, I'm back to not sleeping well at all. There's this whole other being in my bed that breathes, moves, and snores! It's taking some getting used to, that's for sure. Jason seems to have made the transition ok; I think he continued to use the Melatonin pills for a few weeks after the job change. (I tried Melatonin last year, but didn't like the stupor that I was in whenever I needed to get up with Little Pumpkin.) I think Little Pumpkin has made the sleeping schedule change, for the most part. Although, she sometimes wakes up earlier than I'm ready for, especially if I haven't slept hardly at all. But, we are working to find a new normal for us, at least in the area of sleeping.

This week, with my starting a job, Jason is getting to take care of Little Pumpkin whenever I have to work. Transitioning from me being the primary care person, and pretty much it was just she and I 24/7 for the past year (except for a few evenings a week), to making sure Jason has what he needs/knows what to do is interesting. Also, getting photo texts from him telling me something Pumpkin did while I'm gone, and thinking it was her first time, makes me realize just how much he has missed. And that makes me wonder if maybe we need to purposely choose to stop being so "transient" in life and focus on trying to be "normal." Do we need to stop, and try to stay in one "spot" in life for Little Pumpkin's sake.

As I've been thinking about this, I've wondered what drives us to make these decisions that seem to have us always changing, transitioning, pursuing, etc. I know that some of those constant changing times in the past were the result of decisions that were made prior to Jason and I even knowing each other. Now, five years into marriage, that is not to blame anymore. And now, we should be considering Little Pumpkin, and not just ourselves when we make a choice that will create big changes and uproot our "normal."

In the past, I believe our decisions were driven by personal goals we had and efforts to better ourselves. Contrary to what may be popular assumption, not all of our job changes have been motivated by more income. We have both, in fact, taken pay-cuts with various jobs because we felt that the job would allow us to focus on more important areas of our life, such as relationships, church, personal growth, and other things. Now, as I have kind of out-of-the-blue decided to try working again, I'm wondering if I'm placing all the right priorities at the top of the list with this decision. Am I making a choice that even though we can transition, and adjust, to some new "normal," is it really the best normal for us? What is really pushing me, us, into yet another phase of transition and change that does not seem to be "normal?"

Even though I'm not 100% sure I have the answer to my own questions, I have recently (just this week) fully realized that we need to pay attention, and be aware of, how this change and transition affects Little Pumpkin. We also need to be aware of how it affects our relationship- Jason and myself. And, we need to be willing to sacrifice whatever it is that we are going after by making this change if we find that Little Pumpkin, or our relationship, is not benefitting from the new "normal." I even voiced this to Jason, and have been asking him this entire week whether he thinks it is still a good idea for me to work at this time. Since this specific part of the new "normal" (my working part-time) is still less than a week old, and no immediate negative signs have shown, we feel like I should give it a good try for now. I still have to wonder, though, if we will ever find a state of "normal," and stay in it. Or is normal life not like the storybooks, and the reality is that life is always changing, transitioning, and adjusting to find a new "normal?"